UN-lazy Friday

It could have been the pefect lazy Friday. Spent last night in my friend's amazing apartment in the soon-to-be Hilton drinking whisky (a lot of whisky) on her balcony overlooking the Nile. Should have been able to sleep in until noon, read my book, watch TV, then go see Clash of the Titans in 3D with my brother and the same friend tonight. Unfortunately, I couldn't relax enough to enjoy a lazy day.

I was actually awakened around ten by this creeping, claustrophobic feeling that my apartment was the dirtiest hole on the planet. And on a planet that includes a city as dirty as Cairo, this is saying something. My roommate, who is moving out next week if all goes well, makes the strangest messes. Last week, she was chewing gum, poured herself a bowl of chocolate granola, then STUCK HER GUM ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER to eat her granola. The gum stayed there for a day, then she put it IN the bowl on top of the inch of leftover granola where it stayed over the four day weekend. Thomas and I did not clean it up just on principle and when she came back from her Nile Cruise, instead of scraping the chocolate paste with gum topping into the garbage, she PUT WATER IN IT and left it for another three days. This kind of thing happens all the time, such that the usual messy roommate behaviors like not taking out the garbage or leaving your clothes on the line for a week pale in comparison. I don't even notice anymore when I wash her dishes because I am distracted by having to clean up entire fourteen ounce bottles of hair mask she drops in fluffy pink swathes of GOO on the bathroom floor and leaves when she goes out for the night with friends.

So today I resorted to my new friend (and a longtime acquaintance of Melanie's), CLOROX and scrubbed down most surfaces in the apartment. The corner of the room where the puppy pees and poops on newspapers because my roommate can't be bothered to walk the fifteen minutes home from her office during the day to take her out to go, was infested with ants feasting on cashew speckled turds (the dog got into my roommate's plate of nuts she left too close to the edge of the table) so I had to spray Raid and THEN mop it up because if the smell makes me ill, I can't imagine what it does to little puppy lungs.

So for the last few hours, I have been basking in my squeaky, sparkly haven of my own creation and have actually enjoyed the lazy afternoon that should have stretched all day. She just got back from work though, so my bleachy, ABC gum-free party is over.

For those of you who enjoyed the mystery haikus, I enclose the following hot, steamy romance haikus in the hopes, again, of being discovered and offered a multimillion dollar advance to write for five minutes a day until I retire at 35.

Enjoy!

Perfect connection.
Long distance relationship.
We are breaking up.
(two cell phones)

Six pressed together.
Hard, slick skin, steams and shimmers.
Sweat beads, drips, pulses.
(cold six pack out in the hot sun)

I was made for you.
I fit inside perfectly.
I twist, you open.
(key, lock)

We fold together
Tight, firm, one. Spent and sweaty,
I shower with you.
(socks)

You are softer now
Than when we met. We wrinkle,
age, joined at the hip.
(two rotting bananas)